63-Therapy, Tears, and TikTok: Behind the 1 in 3 Podcast

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Hi Warriors, welcome to one in three.

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I'm your host, ingrid.

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Today's episode is going to be a little different, and if you're watching right now, you've already noticed one of the if probably actually the biggest change.

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Yes, I've taken the plunge into video podcasting.

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Going forward, I'll be posting video episodes as often as I can on Spotify and YouTube.

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Of course, I will always take my guest comfort levels into account before doing so.

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So let's talk about today.

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I had originally planned to release this episode a bit over a month ago to celebrate one in three second birthday on March 1.

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But because I had such amazing guest episodes lined up, I chose to release those first.

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Today, though, I want to reflect a little bit on where we've been and where we're going in this podcast and, honestly, I wanted to connect a little more with you.

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I realize I haven't shared the full details of my experience with domestic violence here on 1 in 3.

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The reason for that is simple I don't want this podcast to become about me, because it's about us, but today I want to open up a little, share some insights and emotions I've encountered along the way, because I think some of you might be able to relate.

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So, way back when my abuse escalated to a breaking point.

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I immediately sought therapy.

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I was clear when I scheduled the appointment that I would be ending the relationship.

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I was clear that I had been abused.

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But by the time I actually walked into my therapist's office I had started to doubt myself and I wondered was it really abuse?

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Did I do something to deserve it, and could this relationship be repaired?

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I want to preface this next part by saying that not everyone has an intense breakthrough right away.

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Sometimes it takes multiple sessions and a lot of work to get to that point, and sometimes it's subtle changes over a long period of time.

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So when I first contacted my therapist, like I said, I was 100% sure I was leaving.

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But when I sat down with her I was only 80, 85, maybe 90% sure.

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So she suggested we try an exercise.

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She asked me to imagine that I was writing what happened to me on a scroll.

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Now, I'm not one to be skeptical about therapy, but I was a little unsure of my brain's capability of being able to really engage in this exercise.

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So, reluctantly, I jotted down my story.

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She asked me to roll it up and set the scroll aside, but then I had to pick it back up and read it.

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What happened next was profound.

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Two sentences in, I began weeping.

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She asked me to vocalize what I was thinking and my voice, I remember, was shaky and I was barely able to whisper.

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Like that poor woman.

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I can't believe that happened to her.

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And as I neared the end of the story, I remembered it was my scroll, I was reading my story and that poor woman was me and I mean, isn't it wild that when we look at our own experiences from the perspective of an outsider, how real, how raw and how clear it all becomes?

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I left that session with a renewed sense of purpose and I did leave that relationship and I thought, after two or three sessions with my therapist, that I was good to go with my therapist, that I was good to go.

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And I remember that first year away from my abuser I felt light, I felt free and I felt totally okay.

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I had minimal contact with him and it wasn't the best experiences.

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It was obviously toxic, but for the most part I thought I was handling everything okay.

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And just a quick note if you do leave an abuser cut off communication completely, if you can, it's important for healing and it's especially important if you have a protective order in place, which I did not.

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And I also want to say that, of course, there are situations and exceptions in which no communication is not a possible option.

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But back to that first year.

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Yes, I was cruising along, feeling good, but then something shifted.

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I started misinterpreting the intentions of my friends.

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I began to believe everyone around me had some hidden agenda.

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My bubble of strength that I had created around myself began to crack, and that's when I knew I needed to go back to therapy because I was not okay.

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I was having actual physiological responses to everyday reactions.

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So I went into my new therapist's office feeling frustrated, scared and confused.

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It took a lot of work, a lot of time, a lot of tears, some laughter, uncomfortable self-reflection and some overwhelming realizations.

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But I have emerged stronger and more self-assured Don't get me wrong, I still go to therapy.

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And more self-assured.

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Don't get me wrong, I still go to therapy and we continue to work on reinforcing my new outlook and addressing those hidden triggers that my brain still has buried.

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So I'll admit that when I started one in three, I was still carrying around a lot of resentment.

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I was constantly trying to understand why am I an abuser and others abuse?

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Was it intentional?

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Do they purposely camouflage their true selves to lure us in?

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Did they ever truly love us?

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And how much of them is real and how much of them is a lie, and which is which?

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I have read over the years a lot of books by domestic professionals and advocates, a lot of testimonials by survivors, and after all of that, here's what I've come to understand.

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I don't know the answers to any of those questions and, honestly, I don't know the answers to any of those questions and, honestly, I don't care anymore.

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Holding on to those questions only took up space in my mind, preventing me from moving on, so I've decided to stop trying to figure him out and start focusing on myself.

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Since then, I've also concentrated on filling my life with only people who bring me happiness, peace, security and fulfillment.

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So as I began letting go of all of my toxic relationships, I felt lighter, parts of me began to feel more manageable and I started approaching everything with a renewed positivity.

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Now, that doesn't mean I don't have bad days.

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Trust me, I do.

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Some days I want to curl up on the couch, cry and just feel weak.

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You know what?

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That's okay, all of it.

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The sadness, the exhaustion, the sadness, the exhaustion, frustration, anger, pain, happiness, uncertainty, even some of the pride.

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It's all okay and I make sure to feel all of it.

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I embrace it and then I learn from it.

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So why am I telling you this?

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Here's what I've come to understand.

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We all need to do some deep soul searching and self-discovery, especially after being knocked down physically, psychologically, financially and or emotionally.

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I didn't grow up in an abusive household.

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I didn't know anyone who had been abused until it happened to me, but I did grow up with certain expectations placed on me and I had experiences that chipped away at my confidence.

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Throughout the years of healing and actually a lot from doing this podcast, I've learned that I didn't truly love myself.

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And you know what?

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That's the starting point.

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We have to love ourselves first.

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We have to choose ourselves.

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I choose me, you need to choose you.

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So on March 1st 2000, let me start that over.

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On March 1st 2023, I launched One in Three.

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My intent was simple to share real stories of domestic violence, whether through interviews, submissions from survivors or research.

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I've done.

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I wanted to talk to advocates and professionals, raise awareness and offer hope and validation to everyone affected by domestic violence.

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I thought if I could just help one person, it would be worth it.

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Two years later, we've created this incredible community of understanding and unity.

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One in three has thousands of downloads across more than 40 countries.

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I've met the most amazing people and I've had the honor of hosting 16 incredible guests from around the world and there's more in the queue.

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Hosting a podcast focused on domestic violence can be emotionally draining at times, obviously, but you keep me going.

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The words of encouragement, positive reviews and messages I've received, whether through the one in three website, texts, emails or DMs on Facebook, instagram and TikTok, they mean the world to me and I'm deeply humbled and grateful for each one and each one of you.

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So thank you, and thank you for your support and thank you for listening.

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I'll be back next week with another episode for you.

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Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.

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Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website oneandthreepodcastcom.

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That's the number one.

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I-n the number three podcastcom.

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Follow 1&3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1&3 Podcast.

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To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe.

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1&3 is a .5 Pinoy production Music written and performed by Tim Crow.

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©.

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Transcript Emily Beynon.