6-Domestic Violence SURVIVOR: Alex Skeel

Hi Warriors, welcome to 1-3. I'm your host, ingrid. Today I'm bringing you a story you may have heard before. It's worth hearing again. If you have, brace yourself. if you haven't. It's the story of how a man survived the brutal abuse he suffered from his young, petite girlfriend, abuse that left him just ten days from death. This is the story of Alex's skill. Alex and his twin brother, luke, were born on August 17, 1995. They grew up in Bedford, england. Alex was preoccupied with football and had not dated before. He didn't really pay attention to the opposite sex until he met Jordan in 2012. I bet you can guess what she was like when they first started hanging out. She was attentive, caring, loving and completely interested in everything about Alex. She charmed his friends. They described her as cool, friendly, quiet, timid and just lovely and delightful. But ever so slowly that changed. It was subtle at first. She mentioned she didn't like when Alex would wear gray. She favored his hair a certain way. She didn't like his shoes. These things didn't really seem like much at that point and Alex still wanted to impress Jordan, so he complied with her preferences. In April 2013, jordan turned 18. Alex's parents took them to see the Lion King performance in London. Alex got up to use restroom and when he returned to their seats, jordan was gone. Alex and his family searched frantically for her for nearly an hour. He finally found her sitting in the lobby of the hotel laughing. Naturally this concerned his family, but Alex brushed it off because she never acted like that when it was just the two of them. Later that summer, in August, alex and Luke celebrated their 18th birthday. Their mother wanted to throw a big party for them with over 100 guests in attendance. Well, into the party, jordan suddenly began shouting at a family friend. That family friend was an attractive 15 year old girl. The party abruptly stopped and everyone just stared at the commotion. Like I said, alex had never been in a previous relationship, so he thought this must just be normal behavior. When his friends told him otherwise and that he should leave, alex couldn't. He loved Jordan and wanted to look after her. Not long after that, however, alex did end it. Jordan's behavior had continued and she eventually broke the SIM card to his phone. That move made something click for Alex. He realized everyone had been right about Jordan. It was about two days following the breakup when Jordan arrived at Alex's parents' house to tell them she was pregnant. Now you may be thinking nice trick, right. Alex's mom thought the same thing and had Jordan take a pregnancy test right there in the house. It turns out she wasn't lying. Of course, alex's first thoughts were worry and concern. You know the typical young parent looking at their future, wondering how am I going to manage this? Despite his anxieties, alex stepped up. He told Jordan he still could not be in a relationship with her, but he would absolutely stand by her side and support her throughout the pregnancy and the life of the child. Jordan left and Alex didn't see or hear from her for over a year. Their son was born in May 2014. Alex's mom received a text from Jordan in August asking if she wanted to meet her grandson. The family immediately fell in love with a sweet baby boy. Jordan seemed different too. She was more attentive, caring and a lovely mother. Alex, on the other hand, was still quite bitter, so the family arranged for him to meet his son without Jordan present. He brought his grandfather, whom he loved dearly, along for the introduction. From that point forward, jordan would bring the baby by every weekend. Everyone was delighted to see the changes in Jordan. Soon she was living with the skills and the relationship between she and Alex rekindles by January 2015. I wish I could say that's the end and they all lived happily ever after, but we know that didn't happen. Instead, jordan's true colors began to resurface. As Alex and Jordan were driving through the neighborhood, the family friend Jordan had previously yelled at was walking along. Jordan immediately began screaming assaults at her again. Alex's mom confronted her about this and said they were not going to tolerate that behavior again. Jordan immediately packed up their things. She told Alex's choice was to stay with his family or leave with her. Jordan had their son, which made Alex's decision clear. He moved out of the house and didn't see his family for the next two years. The three moved in with Jordan's family for about 18 months. This is where she methodically began to isolate Alex. She got him a new phone with a new phone number. Obviously, she didn't transfer his contacts over. She deleted his Facebook account and created a joint account she would be able to monitor. She even got rid of the PlayStation because that was just another way he could communicate with friends. Alex's mother was so desperate for contact She sent money through mobile banking with a note saying I love you. She received a response I hate you Never contact me again. Hey, remember Alex's grandfather I mentioned earlier, the one Alex had a very close relationship with. Alex actually considered him the most important person in his life. Well, jordan came home one day and said Alex's mother sent a message to her mother to let them know his grandfather had passed away. Alex was distraught. He was angry with himself for not spending more time with his grandfather. He couldn't let go of the knowledge. He never said goodbye. Hours later, jordan asked Alex why he was so upset. When he reminded her of the loss of his grandfather, she matter of factly said he's not dead. She had fabricated the entire story and let him mourn for hours. In July 2016, the little family moved to Stewartby in Bedfordshire. Alex describes the first month as wonderful. They had a nice house. They were getting along well without any fighting. At this time they talked about having a baby. Now you may be judging, or at least wondering, why Alex would think that was a good idea. But remember, jordan had good streaks, long periods of time where even Alex's friends and family believed she had changed. Of course, alex wanted to believe in the woman he loved and already shared one child with. And let's not forget to mention the complete mind fuck. She was pulling on him. The control was oh so subtle Enough so that reality became fuzzy. So we won't judge the good person who was attempting to hold on to the good he saw and the other person. And that other person got pregnant right away. They were thrilled. Then things began to change again. Jordan didn't like Alex's job and said it wasn't good enough, so she had him quit. At the time she was attending university. Since he no longer had a job to go to, she insisted he drive along with her and wait in the car while she was in class. She needed to keep tabs on him because she was concerned he would try to go see his parents. In the meantime, she continued to cut off all of his friends and family by sending them hateful messages through Facebook. Now that Alex was utterly isolated socially and financially, things took an even darker turn. Jordan first became physically abusive by using a brush to hit him whenever she was upset. One time the brush actually broke off part of his tooth. Jordan would continuously question Alex on his past behaviors. For instance, she would claim she knew about things he had done with other girls. These accusations were untrue and Alex told her as much. Instead of believing him, she decided she needed to implement a new plan to force out the truth. While he was sleeping, she began using a glass bottle to hit him over the head. When he would awake, obviously dazed, she would ask what he was thinking about. Alex later noted Jordan would hit him in the head at least three times a day for over three months. He estimated the total was around 1,000 times. Jordan began to control what and when Alex could eat. She didn't allow him to sleep on the bed, so he slept on the floor. Alex recalled he got used to the pain of being hit in the head with a bottle, so Jordan stepped it up to a hammer. Then She would grab serrated kitchen knives and slash at him. It appears she had convinced herself that slashing was okay because she wasn't directly stabbing him. At 2.30 in the morning one day in February 2017, alex called his dad asking for help. When he arrived to the house, the lights went out. His father pounded on the door and Alex yelled for him to go away. The police recalled and went inside to investigate. When they came out, they informed his father. Alex and Jordan had a fight, but were okay now They had separated the two. They did know Alex was walking with a limp. The brush, the bottle, the hammer, the knives even a screwdriver wasn't the worst of it. Jordan would boil water and pour it onto Alex. He would beg to get into an ice bath afterward, which she would allow briefly, just as he would feel relief, she would make him get out. If he didn't, she would pour boiling water on him again. Her daughter was born in May 2017. Alex hoped this would bring change to Jordan And it did For three days. Then the abuse started again. On June 3rd 2017, neighbors called the police because they heard the couple fighting. They mentioned hearing Alex say It's not my fault, get off me, stop hurting me. Jordan answered the door when the police arrived and said there had been an accident. They found a serrated kitchen knife on the floor and Alex's bloody arm wrapped in a towel. He was taken to the hospital, but before he could go into surgery, jordan walked him out of the hospital. The staff begged them to stay. The medical personnel even asked Alex directly if it was safe for him to go home. He said yes. He explained all the injuries he had done to himself. On June 10th 2017, neighbors called the police again. The same police officer from the previous night answered the call. He smiled and was gentle when he spoke with Alex. He noted how Alex would look at the ground when he answered questions. Alex still insisted the injuries were accidental or self-inflicted. It was very clear to this observant officer that Alex was mistreated. His behavior, his bruised, cut and scarred body, his gaunt features all shrieked abuse. The officer brought Alex to his patrol car. He explained they were not going to go anywhere until Alex told the truth. He emphasized the need to ensure safety for himself and his children. Alex still refused to implicate Jordan. This is another part of the story where you may be screaming, pleading for Alex to say what happened. After all, he is with a police officer. He must be safe, right. But let's put ourselves in Alex's situation one more time. He had been manipulated from the beginning to fall in love with a woman who didn't truly exist The sweet, attentive, caring Jordan. When she would become angry with him, he learned to believe it was because of something he did or didn't do. Initially he may have been chasing the good memories, trying to alter his actions to have life just returned to happier times Then, as the abuse progressed from emotional, psychological and financial to physical. He may have again looked at himself to figure out what he did to cause the attack. As he was deprived of food, sleep and independence, his reality most likely became even more clouded. How can one think clearly at that point Then? I imagine he was in survival mode, just trying to have minimal interaction to avoid abuse, keep himself and his children safe and alive, and he had legitimate fear for the latter. Jordan didn't just threaten him with more abuse, she vowed to run him over and kill him if he ever left her. Every move he made, every lie he told to cover the abuse was to avoid any repercussion, not to mention who could he turn to. Jordan had successfully isolated him. He couldn't speak with friends or family anymore. He didn't know any of the neighbors. And let's be honest, he's a man. She's a petite, well-spoken, educated woman. If he went to the police, would they even believe him? Would they somehow blame him? Yes, he suffered abuse if he stayed, but at least he knew what to expect. If he attempted to leave or expose the truth and failed, there's no telling what would have happened to him or his children. So when he had an opportunity to divulge his circumstances, we can't blame him for not jumping at the chance. Unfortunately for Alex, that officer was not backing down. He turned off his body cam and told Alex it was now safe to tell him anything And this time Warriors. Alex took advantage of the opportunity. He hastily admitted what had been happening to him. Jordan was immediately arrested and taken in for questioning. Alex was taken to the hospital. Over the course of the abuse, he had lost approximately 4 stone, which is 56 pounds. When he was rescued, he weighed 7 stone, which is 98 pounds. The medical team that examined Alex determined he was 10 days from death. He quickly returned home to the open arms of his friends and family Within 5 days. His children were returned to him and have been with him ever since. On September 28, 2017, jordan Worth was charged with 17 counts. She pleaded guilty to 3 of those charges. On April 13, 2018, jordan became the first female in the United Kingdom to be convicted of controlling or coercive behavior. She was sentenced to 6 months. She also received 2 7-year sentences to be served concurrently for wounding with intent and causing grievous bodily harm. It's said the day of sentencing she had no remorse and she quote didn't blame Alex for anything she did to him. Reportedly. She was released in 2022, but has an indefinite restraining order for no contact with Alex. Alex Skel has continued to care for his two children and has incorporated his passion for football back into his life once again. He advocates for domestic violence victims and provides education in that arena. He is proactive with Mankind Initiative, a domestic violence program assisting men. Gender can often play a role in getting adequate and timely help to a domestic violence victim. That's just one aspect of domestic violence. We need to change and we certainly have our work cut out for us. Alex's friend, jordan Parker, said this quote a victim is a victim and an abuser is an abuser. There can't be any gender tied to it, because it doesn't matter. A victim still hurts whether they are a male or a female, and an abuser is still just as nasty whether they are a male or a female. It's as simple as that end quote. As always, links to sources used for this episode can be found in the show notes, and I will be back next week with another story for you. Until then, have each other's back, stay strong and always remember you are not alone. Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1and3podcastcom. That's the number 1, i-n the number 3, podcastcom. Follow 1and3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1and3podcast. To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe. 1and3 is a.5. Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.