48-Domestic Violence WARRIOR: Amanda; Part 2

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Hi Warriors, welcome to One in Three.

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I'm your host, ingrid.

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In episode 47, amanda describes characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

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In this episode, she further details her personal experiences, including her healing journey, and what she is planning to do to help others.

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Here is Amanda with a conclusion of her story.

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So I was removed in October of 2022.

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In November, I just sat down with all this nervous energy because I was in fight or flight.

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I was stuck in this, still in this kind of place of chaos, in getting a lawyer.

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What's going on?

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What happened?

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Trying to understand it, I just started typing and it was this continuous Word document and I created the list.

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So on the list I wrote all the abuse, gaslighting, the manipulation, the lies, everything from asshole to abusive.

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So one of the things he removed my car from the family auto policy on two different occasions because I didn't agree or obey with him.

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So he took off.

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So actually I had to call the insurance company and the woman said to me you can get your own policy in the same household.

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However, you have to tell me that you're a victim of domestic violence.

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So I had to admit that and in doing that, I wasn't ready.

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I wasn't there there yet.

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I didn't understand that I was being abused.

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Yet let's see, when I was looking for a new car in 2021, he told me I better buy a car I can afford on my own, since I would be moving out soon.

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So yeah, he had started this.

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I mean, he had been telling me to get the f out for years I moved out twice, or actually three times.

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I moved out three times Once early on.

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I called the police.

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He totally freaked out in 2019.

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And I had.

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I called the police and took him in and he was charged with second degree harassment and assault, so that I didn't press charges at the time because, again, I thought, oh, he's working on himself, this is just a little snafu, we're going to get through this.

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He came back, he cried, he was okay for a little bit and then things started again, of course, but I had moved out during that time.

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I moved out for two weeks.

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He called me every day, begged me to come back and I came back and I should have never come back.

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Moved out in May of 2022, so I moved out for a month before then.

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I would.

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I would come downstairs with two-story house in the morning and I'd wear air pods every morning listening to meditation music before I went downstairs to make coffee, just so I could be in a place where I didn't feel reactive and I couldn't hear what he was saying.

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So I could be in a place where I didn't feel reactive and I couldn't hear what he was saying.

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So I'd wear AirPods with meditation music and I would crank it up so I wouldn't hear him.

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He would be working in the living room.

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It was open concept and you know I could hear him talking but I just ignored him at that point it was just too much and I would take my coffee and go upstairs and luckily at that time he didn't try to chase me or anything.

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But I moved out in May of 22 for a month.

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He asked me to come back.

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He was going to do all these things for me.

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The business was for me.

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I came back.

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It was good for a couple of weeks and then it started all over again and it became worse.

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It became worse.

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So then October happened and that was the last straw.

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So as I was moving out in May, he threatened to put all my belongings in the driveway for overnight to pick up.

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He said I'm just going to drag everything out there.

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He had actually taken everything downstairs that I owned I never asked him to do it.

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I didn't tell him to do it.

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He just started packing up my stuff and put it downstairs and then put it all in the garage.

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As soon as I moved back into the house, he asked me for money, you know, and of course I'm like, oh, we're working on this, yes, and I gave it to him.

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He promised to repay me.

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He never did, you know, and I've never really been like that about money.

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I'm like, oh, I'm contributing, he makes more.

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He's paying for the house.

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Of course I can pay for this and you know some of the smaller bills in the house I pay for.

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So in the mornings he liked to start arguments with me before I go and I'd leave to go to one of my schools to teach.

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So he started an argument with me in the entire way.

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There I'm listening to music.

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I'm trying to change my perspective.

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I'm trying to get out of that feeling so I can be effective in my school, so I can walk into my school and work with my teachers and the students that I worked with with a smile on my face and really concentrate on what I'm trying to teach.

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That day I left for work.

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I had a chihuahua named Charlie.

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He passed in but you know, I left for work and came back to find him in a crate in the middle of the bed, closed like he.

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You know the dogs we had three dogs total and they all end up passing away, but three dogs total and they kind of roamed free and he was home all day.

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He would let them out and you know, his dog was crated when he left anywhere.

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But my dog was always free to roam and decided that he needed to be crated because the other dog was crated and he decided to put it in the middle of the bed so I would see it and get upset, instead of like next to the other dog on the floor like a normal person, right?

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No, he said the electrical circuit in the room that was my office was overloaded and that I can't get electric to the room anymore.

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So he went downstairs and pulled the fuse from that room so I couldn't work.

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If I was up there on my computer at night, I couldn't see because he had pulled and says you know it's too much, so we have to.

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One of the rooms can't be lit.

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I mean this is just.

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I mean, how insane is that?

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it really is like how do you even think of that?

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That's so weird.

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I don't know right, where do you get this stuff?

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And then there was not Okay, so with that.

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Another bizarro thing was he said we had wireless.

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The wireless router was in the basement, my computer and office was on the second floor.

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He took the wireless router and was walking around.

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He unplugged it.

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He was walking around with it in a messenger bag that he had, so I couldn't work anymore.

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So I'm in the middle of typing all of a sudden the wireless is gone and I get up and I'm like what's going on?

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And he's like, oh, this needs to be, uh, you know, recalibrated and I gotta take it to the computer store.

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And I'm like, why?

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Because I'm born yesterday and that's not true.

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There's nothing, you need to go and change anything.

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It it's working just fine.

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You decide to unplug it and carry it around.

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And then he went in the bedroom and locked himself in and with the router and told me that I should leave him alone, that I'm harassing him, that I'm bothering him, that I'm the problem again, right?

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So yeah, it's just the scenarios that he was set up.

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And then when I would say anything against it, defend myself or or express my disgust, then I'm the problem, right, I should just be in acceptance of the crazy.

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Um.

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He told me that he wouldn't attend my cousin passed away.

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He told me he wouldn't attend my cousin's funeral because she didn't attend our wedding years prior.

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She wasn't there, so he's not going to go to her funeral.

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I just I just looked at him and left no, I can't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it.

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There are also papers in court that he lied to the court about how much money he made and how much he paid out.

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So we both had to fill up these forms about you know money going in, you know money coming in, money coming out, and he lied about how much was coming in and going out and unfortunately the W-2 doesn't lie, so we had a little bit of a problem getting that, getting financials.

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So we did some personal development early on.

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I started it and it really helped me.

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It worked well for me and then he got involved.

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So once you, it's called the 90 day game.

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Once you do the 90 day game and you go through it, you have a coaching call every day.

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Once you go through it, you can become the coach.

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So he decided to coach this 90 day game and I was against it, not because I didn't want him to help other people, but because I knew what kind of crazy that this was going to create.

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Not only was this creating a monster, but I knew that because he was working so hard to impress all of these people that the backlash was coming.

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And then that's not truly who he is.

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So it was going to come back and I was right.

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So, as he, you know, pretending to be this other person with his group of other coaches and with the people who was actually coaching behind closed doors, he's verbally attacking me and he was actually working his triangulation magic and telling me that these people didn't like me, they didn't want to hear what I had to say.

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So, somehow my presence, because we would have.

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They'd have meetings at my house and I would go upstairs just to be respectful.

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But I shouldn't be listening, I shouldn't be hearing it and I'm not a part of this.

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This is his thing.

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Some of the other terrible things.

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He stole my wallet and hid it for three weeks after lying to police.

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I had called the police after that happened.

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I had to get a new license, I got new credit cards.

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I saw him do it.

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I was down the hall.

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I saw him walking across from my office to the bedroom with my wallet in his hand and he locks the door.

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And two weeks later I'm sitting in my office and there was like this little cabinet that I had.

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He stood there, he opened the door and the wallet is sitting in there and he just looks at me and he walks off and I'm like I didn't even know.

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I was like frozen, I didn't even know what to do.

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A lock on on the bedroom door, a handle.

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He took the whole thing off.

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He switched it with the one that attached the laundry room or the breezeway from the garage.

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There's like a little laundry room and then the kitchen.

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Well, there is a door that you can close for the garage.

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He took that doorknob, the master bedroom doorknob, and switched that so he had the key so he could lock himself in the bedroom.

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He could barricade himself in there.

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So whenever I was knocking on the door trying to get my clothes, my toiletries, I have to work, I have to leave.

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I was the problem Because that's not my house and that's not my room and I had ended up, you know, that night I had slept, you know, downstairs in the living room, or I had a little rollout bed that I put in my office and because of that he would lock himself inside and not let me in and say that it was because I was the abuser and whatnot.

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I'm like.

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I just want to get my stuff.

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So those are some of the things that he would do.

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I have another video.

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I pulled up home and he walked.

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He was walking around my parked car recording me with his phone as I sat with the doors locked and just walking around recording me and if you could see the video, it's super creepy and I'm like what are you doing?

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What are you doing?

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Back to social media.

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So that was part of the that.

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He didn't hit me.

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So those are some of the things that I posted there and I have other things that I posted on that page as well.

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You know, I talked about the choices he made, how he behaved during the marriage and we were married for almost seven years total together, for eight, eight and a half, and there was definitely an incline in that disbarging.

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So you can hear in some of the things that I said and those were.

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Some of those were out of order.

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So it started off kind of him being a jerk and rude and and then it went into gosh.

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This is actually abused, you know, and it took me a long time to figure that out actually, because at the beginning he mirrored me, you know.

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He said he wanted everything I did.

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He wanted that marriage, the family, the business.

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He loved bomb teams.

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He rented the marquee outside a small movie theater to ask me to marry him and took me there.

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Yeah, from standing on the sidewalk looking up Amanda William, his name you know.

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We did everything together at the beginning.

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We made a lot of plans and he would have a little bit of anger stuff going on, but then he would make up for it or then he would apologize, you know.

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So, looking back, I did experience his anger issues early on, but I thought he was working on himself himself.

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He was dedicated to personal development.

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It seemed like a short time that it was working until it didn't.

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And then that person that I thought I knew, the person he presented his representative went further and further away and the real him started coming out.

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And the other thing about the narcissist is they're very much a creature of habit.

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So let's go back to the restraining order of October.

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In October of 22, I found out through my research that he also filed a restraining order against his ex-wife in 2010, while they were divorcing.

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So that was part of it.

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Now, did it actually go through?

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I don't know.

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I couldn't find the information.

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I wasn't going to ask his ex-wife and that's public knowledge, that's on case net.

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I also found out that he had a temporary order against him and then a full order granted on May of 2016 for a year.

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So let's look at the timeline.

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So I met him in January of 2015.

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He had just broken up with his girlfriend earlier that month in the worst way.

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Now he had lied to me and told me that they split up in October of the previous year.

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So I thought, oh, okay, he's got.

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You know.

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The rest of October, november, december, most of January.

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That's almost that's the three and a half months.

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Four and a half months.

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You know that he broke up.

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So we started dating around the end of.

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I met on the end of January.

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They broke up in January.

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She moved out, Then she had the order six months, so May of 2016,.

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It was expired, so she decided to go for a full order of protection and so that went from May of 16 to May of 2017.

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We were married in July of 2017.

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So two months after this order expired, we were married.

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So the whole time I was dating, him, got engaged and almost got married.

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Right, he had a restraining order against him and had the record sealed.

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I had no idea it's not on case net.

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It wasn't on case net, he made sure of that.

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And it just blows my mind that our ending was more dramatic than that one.

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Things just got worse.

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So I left.

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So let's talk about that.

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So I left, I got out and you know my head was spinning.

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That was October, november.

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I started writing the list and I just started writing down everything that was happening, all the dates, everything that was going on.

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You know I had friends calling me.

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I had two of those guy friends call me and tell me, text me or call me and tell me that he misses me, he wants me back.

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He was talking about me and how he wanted, you know, things to work out.

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And I was and I said, nope, I know I will only speak to him if I have to through this divorce and that's it and I'm done.

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Let's talk about healing.

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So on that journey, you know it's taken some time.

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It's been, you know, two years and it's still in the works.

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It's not 100%.

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So I was removed in October.

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Then I joined a gym again in January.

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So it took me a couple of months.

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I, you know, got through the holidays in January, I'm like, okay, I started to join the gym, I got on the treadmill and elliptical, I joined yoga classes and I realized I had so much nervous energy that I had to get out.

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And so, you know, it felt a lot better to get out, to get moving, and also I could start to.

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I was starting to clear my mind.

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I had the fog was starting to lift.

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I felt like this chaotic, like every time I would think of a scenario that happened.

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It'd make my brain spin, it was so uncomfortable and it actually hurt.

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So, you know, I was living in fight or flight and I didn't even realize it for a long time.

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And when I did, I'm like, okay, now I'm here, what do I do, you know, and it took some time to regulate my nervous and I'm still working on all of those things, you know.

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And even today, I go to the gym, I do yoga, I have a Pilates, I meditate, I sit, I get quiet, because I felt like I lost that ability and I listened to my intuition and I'm learning to trust it again.

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And you know, sometimes, sometimes that takes time.

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I think trust is a big deal because you get so lost in this chaos of the relationship that you're in the apologies and the abuse and it goes back and forth.

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You question your reality and when you get out I think it is difficult to trust yourself again, like understand what is real, what is okay and what's you.

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So I think that's a big deal.

00:17:58.311 --> 00:17:59.434
And you bring up a good point.

00:17:59.434 --> 00:18:01.221
Because that's what they're trying to do.

00:18:01.221 --> 00:18:03.778
They're trying to erode who you are.

00:18:03.778 --> 00:18:06.196
They want to take that person away.

00:18:06.196 --> 00:18:08.655
So you're their puppet, you're their extension.

00:18:08.655 --> 00:18:12.458
You're not you anymore, you're just what they tell you to do.

00:18:12.458 --> 00:18:14.938
You aren't your own person.

00:18:14.938 --> 00:18:29.423
So all of those qualities that they saw in you in the beginning, they think, by taking that away from you, that that's somehow they're gaining, they're controlling, they're winning because if he can't have those qualities, neither can I.

00:18:29.423 --> 00:18:36.384
And he's going to make sure of it right by um, trying to snuff me out, trying to steal my energy.

00:18:36.730 --> 00:18:42.556
Yeah, learning to trust my intuition again, because I did have some red flags along the way and I didn't listen.

00:18:42.556 --> 00:18:50.736
I thought, you know, and he took advantage of the fact that I have empathy, I'm a special ed teacher and you know he can be helped.

00:18:50.736 --> 00:18:53.844
You know he's working on it, um.

00:18:53.844 --> 00:19:00.181
So you know I told myself those things, even though you know I really should have listened to my intuition when I showed up the first time.

00:19:00.181 --> 00:19:08.837
So I will say that my short-term memory has been affected, my balance coordination has been affected, but it's improving.

00:19:08.837 --> 00:19:18.981
It is definitely improving, and I reiterated everything I knew about narcissistic personality disorder so I could be an acceptance of his actions because they weren't about me.

00:19:18.981 --> 00:19:26.103
I'm not going to take it personally and what I learned first of all, like I mentioned, they all work from the same handbook, so it's not just me.

00:19:26.103 --> 00:19:31.150
I've read other stories from other women who've experienced the exact same thing and it's just what.

00:19:31.150 --> 00:19:36.441
I could take my emotions out of it by saying, okay, this is just what they do.

00:19:36.441 --> 00:19:43.868
This isn't in relation to me at all, because I also know he had treated past women in his life the exact same way.

00:19:44.369 --> 00:19:47.298
So what I concentrated on was the four areas of my life.

00:19:47.298 --> 00:19:49.750
I have the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.

00:19:49.750 --> 00:19:52.798
I had to sit down and take stock of all of those things.

00:19:52.798 --> 00:19:55.090
Where am I at in all these areas?

00:19:55.090 --> 00:20:00.162
Like I myself, I feel like I'm in a pretty emotionally sound person.

00:20:00.162 --> 00:20:03.060
I'm pretty stable, which is probably another reason why he chose me.

00:20:03.060 --> 00:20:06.159
I had to take a look at emotional, you know spiritual.

00:20:06.159 --> 00:20:10.981
I've been on a spiritual journey for the last 10 years when I turned 40.

00:20:11.529 --> 00:20:22.066
And so some of the things I learned in some of those teachings and then personal development, I think has really helped me to get through this a lot faster as well, because I went back to what I knew.

00:20:22.066 --> 00:20:24.113
I can change my knew, I can change my perspective.

00:20:24.113 --> 00:20:24.714
I can choose.

00:20:24.714 --> 00:20:30.172
That's not to say that I wasn't upset and that upset actually turns to anger.

00:20:30.172 --> 00:20:34.220
So I thought, okay, how am I going to use this anger?

00:20:34.220 --> 00:20:36.324
Because I have to.

00:20:36.324 --> 00:20:38.836
I got to get it out in a healthy way.

00:20:38.836 --> 00:20:40.380
I need to use it in a healthy way.

00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:43.790
What am I going to do in a healthy way?

00:20:43.790 --> 00:20:44.673
I need to use it in a healthy way.

00:20:44.673 --> 00:20:45.154
What am I going to do?

00:20:45.154 --> 00:20:48.545
And so, finally, I could work through those anger and just be in acceptance of this is who he is.

00:20:48.545 --> 00:20:49.406
This is what happened.

00:20:49.406 --> 00:20:50.311
What now?

00:20:50.311 --> 00:20:51.856
What do I do with that now?

00:20:51.856 --> 00:20:53.321
What are the lessons I learned now?

00:20:54.105 --> 00:21:05.463
And it became abundantly clear that I am supposed to help other people, other women who have been in this situation and I understand it happens both ways, but my perspective as a woman married to a narcissistic man.

00:21:05.463 --> 00:21:11.359
So how can I help these women to understand and to help themselves?

00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:14.628
So that's what I'm starting to do now, you know.

00:21:14.628 --> 00:21:17.914
And I asked myself why did I accept this treatment?

00:21:17.914 --> 00:21:28.222
So I had to do the deep dive into my past and take a look at my childhood and take a look at why I was always a yes girl and I was always a people pleaser.

00:21:28.222 --> 00:21:29.867
And why was I doing that?

00:21:29.867 --> 00:21:35.061
And why didn't I leave sooner the first time he showed me who he was and he was arrested.

00:21:35.061 --> 00:21:36.230
Why didn't I?

00:21:36.270 --> 00:21:39.558
leave then I thought I could help him.

00:21:39.558 --> 00:21:42.403
I thought, you know, as a special ed teacher, I thought if I loved him enough, if I gave him strategies, things like that, I thought I could help him.

00:21:42.403 --> 00:21:55.353
I thought, you know, as a special ed teacher, I thought if I loved him enough, if I gave him strategies, things like that, I thought that he would see that and he would want it enough and that he could see that I'm trying to make this work and he could try to make this work as well.

00:21:55.353 --> 00:22:00.255
So I thought, if we could see that I'm trying to work with him and the more I tried to help, the more he pushed me away.

00:22:00.255 --> 00:22:00.999
I was trying to get him admitted.

00:22:00.999 --> 00:22:02.066
The more I tried to help, the more he pushed me away.

00:22:02.066 --> 00:22:03.372
I was trying to get him admitted.

00:22:03.372 --> 00:22:05.138
I was trying to get him to see a doctor.

00:22:05.138 --> 00:22:07.046
I was telling him something was wrong with him.

00:22:07.269 --> 00:22:17.440
That's how he taught, and so I had to take a look at that and realize that I myself have a codependent nature, and it's something that I learned a long time ago.

00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:21.477
Apparently, you know, I was trying to help someone who wasn't doing anything to help himself.

00:22:21.477 --> 00:22:24.282
You know, at the beginning he was, and then he stopped.

00:22:24.282 --> 00:22:31.923
That's not my responsibility, although you know I was stuck being around him and living with him at the time.

00:22:31.923 --> 00:22:34.656
You know it was just the opposite.

00:22:34.656 --> 00:22:44.394
He sabotaged everything that I was trying to do and trying to help, and so I had to be in acceptance of that as my responsibility, and he's done that in other relationships.

00:22:44.394 --> 00:22:47.153
I had a picture of when I the summer that I met him.

00:22:47.935 --> 00:22:55.317
And after I met him, and then a day, the day I left, I took a picture of myself in the mirror and at that point I I knew who I was.

00:22:55.317 --> 00:23:05.253
But when I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize that person, I didn't recognize her and I'm like what the hell happened?

00:23:05.253 --> 00:23:10.651
And I was so exhausted from the chaos, the arguing, the trying to defend myself and standing up for myself that he calls abuse.

00:23:10.651 --> 00:23:17.632
I was just done and I knew, I at that point that I, you know, I couldn't, there was no way I was ever going to go back.

00:23:18.512 --> 00:23:33.082
So this was also a big reminder for me and looking at him that that the world within me is the most important versus the world around, because no one can tell you who you are.

00:23:33.082 --> 00:23:35.571
No one's going to validate you.

00:23:35.571 --> 00:23:40.602
You have to have your own inner strength, your own inner value first.

00:23:40.602 --> 00:23:56.678
And you know, it's great when someone compliments you, it's great when someone compliments you, it's great when someone gives you kudos or whatever, but your self-worth comes from within and you are enough and you are worthy because you're here, because you're a human being, for no other reason.

00:23:56.999 --> 00:24:05.657
I mean, that's it, that that is all you need to know, that you have value, because you're a person who's working in the game and the only person I can control is myself.

00:24:05.657 --> 00:24:25.434
You know, I can only self-reflect and help myself and create change for myself and hopefully, let that, let what I've learned, help other women in what I'm doing going forward in coaching them and talking about my story, and you know how I've helped myself.

00:24:25.434 --> 00:24:38.517
So you know, I continue to work in all these four areas, because this is my rebuilding thing includes sharing my story, helping other women and opening up about such a sensitive topic, very direct and very open.

00:24:38.517 --> 00:24:40.561
I will tell you, it's not.

00:24:40.561 --> 00:24:43.094
I don't think that this is something I should be ashamed of.

00:24:43.094 --> 00:24:45.961
I don't feel like it's something that I need to keep quiet about.

00:24:45.961 --> 00:25:02.420
And it had been bubbling up for a long time and I just I needed to feel ready, I needed to feel that stability in myself, and I'm there and I've got it and I decided, you know, it's finally time for me to say something, and so I spoke out.

00:25:02.760 --> 00:25:36.694
So, coach, author, speaker, that's where I'm headed with this next chapter and it's become really clear that this is something that I'm going to continue to do, and so also right now, with this podcast, I am offering a free narcissistic abuse recovery journal for any listener, and I've included a link in my bio so when you click on my bio and the little world that you have down there, you can click on it, put in your information, it'll come to your email and it's about 17 pages.

00:25:36.694 --> 00:25:41.298
So there's some education there.

00:25:41.298 --> 00:25:52.103
And then self-affirmations it tells you what they do healing reminders, daily healing affirmations, gray rocking methods like what is it?

00:25:52.103 --> 00:25:54.174
How to help yourself in that situation?

00:25:54.174 --> 00:25:57.604
Self-awareness, some of your habits, you know.

00:25:57.604 --> 00:25:58.952
What are you grateful for today?

00:25:58.952 --> 00:26:00.497
What did you enjoy about today?

00:26:00.497 --> 00:26:01.459
What do you?

00:26:01.459 --> 00:26:02.770
Where do you want your life to go?

00:26:02.770 --> 00:26:03.913
What do you see for your life?

00:26:03.913 --> 00:26:04.816
Things like that.

00:26:04.816 --> 00:26:06.981
So forgiveness oh, that's huge.

00:26:07.509 --> 00:26:11.901
Forgiving yourself for not knowing forgiving yourself for not making a decision.

00:26:11.901 --> 00:26:14.017
You wished you would have seen her, because you didn't.

00:26:14.017 --> 00:26:15.703
You just weren't in the place.

00:26:15.703 --> 00:26:28.342
So, I think, forgiveness and dealing with some of that guilt, especially if you have children as well you have to just realize that you are doing the best that you could in that moment in time and you just move forward.

00:26:28.342 --> 00:26:32.444
So there's something, there's some help there, limiting belief.

00:26:32.444 --> 00:26:33.990
There's a lot of information here.

00:26:33.990 --> 00:26:37.057
If any of your readers want to download this journal, it's free.

00:26:37.057 --> 00:26:40.436
It's something that I can help contribute.

00:26:40.436 --> 00:26:46.077
And then, going forward, I'm going to I'm being free, to course, I'm going to be speaking more about this.

00:26:46.077 --> 00:26:59.260
I do have a book in me, as I realized in preparing for this podcast and writing down some information I wanted to share that you know we could be here all day, so so, yeah, that's that's.

00:26:59.260 --> 00:27:02.176
You know basically what I have um for today.

00:27:02.176 --> 00:27:03.196
If you have basically what I have for today.

00:27:03.196 --> 00:27:05.402
If you have anything else that you wanted to ask.

00:27:05.863 --> 00:27:08.818
Okay, well, I was going to touch on a few things that I thought were important.

00:27:08.818 --> 00:27:10.576
So, first of all, that's awesome with the journal.

00:27:10.576 --> 00:27:11.859
I love that and thank you.

00:27:11.859 --> 00:27:15.109
That's going to be super helpful, I think.

00:27:15.109 --> 00:27:20.636
A few things with the healing part, with the self-reflection and realizing it's not your fault.

00:27:20.636 --> 00:27:37.077
So one thing I was saying to my therapist I found myself saying I hate that I let myself get into that, and she's like no, no, no, you didn't do it and it made it sound like I was taking the accountability for getting into that relationship.

00:27:37.077 --> 00:27:37.921
So that's definitely part of healing.

00:27:37.941 --> 00:27:56.771
I think you realize when you get to a point where it's all about taking care of what's inside of you and not trying to convince other people of what happened or what is the truth, and you realize like that's it, they can choose to believe what they want to believe and you're at peace with that.

00:27:56.771 --> 00:28:01.163
I think that is a huge clue that you're you're really doing well with healing.

00:28:01.163 --> 00:28:03.397
It is super, super important.

00:28:03.397 --> 00:28:06.038
You kind of mentioned how there's the real him.

00:28:06.038 --> 00:28:17.634
So I think for people who are in these relationships, it's very important to understand that that person you met at the beginning, the love bombing person, that person is not a real person.

00:28:17.634 --> 00:28:29.580
That's the, the mask or the costume or whatever you want to call it that they're wearing to get you in and I know there's a quote and I know it's somebody important that said it.

00:28:29.580 --> 00:28:32.859
But it's when Someone shows you who they are the first time.

00:28:32.859 --> 00:28:43.651
Believe them, maya angelo, yes, okay, I thought it was her and I didn't want to say it because, because I wasn't sure it was her, and that's the thing, like the, the real person is who they're showing you at the end.

00:28:43.912 --> 00:29:07.455
This I talked about with someone in a previous episode is a lot of times, people think that victims are weak and that's why these abusers prey on specific people, and I think you mentioned it beautifully, and in the previous episode, we were trying to convey the same thing that it's they're looking for something within you that they want.

00:29:07.455 --> 00:29:14.099
They're parasites and they want to suck whatever energy it is that they see in you.

00:29:14.099 --> 00:29:15.560
They want that for themselves.

00:29:15.560 --> 00:29:19.923
So I think you mentioned that and you said it was great how you said that, said it was great how you said that.

00:29:19.923 --> 00:29:23.066
Oh, I think it's also important to like when they ask to get you back.

00:29:23.066 --> 00:29:25.248
It's not because they love you, it's not because they miss you.

00:29:25.248 --> 00:29:31.551
It's because they need to win.

00:29:31.551 --> 00:29:32.114
You're the possession.

00:29:32.114 --> 00:29:38.453
If they were not the one who decided that it was over and they were letting you go, then you need to come back to them so they can be the winner, more or less.

00:29:38.913 --> 00:30:01.682
I hate the fact that so many of us have had to go through these events that we've gone through to get to the point where we are, but I love what people have done with their trauma and their abuse and they've healed themselves and now they want to take it to the next step of you know, where we may have felt alone or we may have felt confused and unsure of what to do.

00:30:01.682 --> 00:30:18.016
I love how certain individuals are trying to make sure that someone else doesn't feel that same way and they're able to have the tools to understand that someone has forged this path ahead of you and they're here to help you get through it a little bit easier.

00:30:18.016 --> 00:30:19.078
I love what you're doing.

00:30:19.078 --> 00:30:20.371
I really appreciate what you're doing.

00:30:20.750 --> 00:30:21.712
Thank you Okay.

00:30:21.712 --> 00:30:25.859
Is there anything in closing that you want to share?

00:30:25.859 --> 00:30:30.092
Or I've covered a lot of it, I think you did.

00:30:30.753 --> 00:30:32.657
I also have a link to my Facebook there.

00:30:32.657 --> 00:30:38.438
If anybody wants to read what I've posted um that I'm including, and then I will be adding to that as well.

00:30:38.438 --> 00:30:40.613
If anybody wants to follow, or from me, that's.

00:30:40.613 --> 00:30:41.596
That's fine too.

00:30:41.596 --> 00:30:43.290
Thank you so much for having me.

00:30:43.290 --> 00:30:52.798
I really appreciate you inviting me, so I think it's super important that all of us are joining together to do this work Absolutely.

00:30:53.579 --> 00:30:54.722
Absolutely I appreciate it.

00:30:55.390 --> 00:30:56.953
Yes, thank you so much for coming on.

00:30:56.953 --> 00:31:03.630
I would like to once again thank Amanda for coming on one in three and sharing her experiences with us.

00:31:03.630 --> 00:31:05.835
Thank you for listening.

00:31:05.835 --> 00:31:09.722
I have shared the link to Amanda's profile in the show notes.

00:31:09.722 --> 00:31:14.739
I will be back next week with another episode and another guest.

00:31:14.739 --> 00:31:23.282
Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone.

00:31:23.282 --> 00:31:34.861
Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1in3podcastcom that's the number 1-I-N-3podcastcom.

00:31:34.861 --> 00:31:39.882
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00:31:39.882 --> 00:31:44.162
To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe.

00:31:44.162 --> 00:31:50.193
1in3 is a .5 Pinoy production Music written and performed by Tim Crow.

00:31:50.193 --> 00:31:50.233
©.

00:31:50.233 --> 00:32:01.623
Transcript Emily Beynon.