30-Domestic Violence MURDERED: Kirsty Wilkinson

Hi Warriors, welcome to 1-3. I'm your host, ingrid. I'm going to be honest, some of these stories are more difficult to get through than others. Of course, when the violence escalates to murder, it leaves a lasting impression, the impression that really any domestic violence situation could end tragically in death. But that's why these accounts are so important to share. This is the story of Kirstie Wilkinson. Kirstie was born June 19, 1984, making her the third daughter born to Kathy. Sonia was the oldest by about six years. Haley and Kirstie were a little over a year apart in age and were almost inseparable Because of the psychological and emotional abuse he inflicted on her. Kathy asked Fred, the biological father of the youngest two girls, to leave when Kirstie was just a few months old. He obliged. Eventually, kathy found and married Dave, a kind man who became a loving father to Sonia, haley and Kirstie. As the years went by, the girls left home one by one. Kirstie was the youngest and the last to leave. She went with excitement and determination to become a model, and she was doing just that, even traveling abroad. She eventually took an additional job at a massage parlor. Unbeknownst to her family at the time, kirstie began sex work while there. It was later discovered that the madam of the parlor had threatened Kirstie with losing her job and her home if she quit working as an escort. Kirstie's time working in the parlor isn't the focus of this story, however. In fact, kirstie desperately wanted a different life. Her family remembers her as lively, outgoing, beautiful, kind-hearted and gentle. She absolutely fancied the color pink, so much so her mother lovingly referred to her as her pink princess. Kirstie had been in a two-year relationship with a young man named Johnny, whom Kathy and Dave adored. When she called to let them know she was getting married, kathy was ecstatic during that January 2008 phone call until Kirstie broke the news it was not Johnny she was planning to marry. Instead, it was someone named Paul Grabham. Dave and Kathy had never met Paul, in fact never even recalled mention of him. Kirstie gushed on to explain that two had a one-night stand years prior and ran into each other again at a party. They hit it off immediately. The wedding was set to happen in just five weeks. Stunned, kathy listened as Kirstie explained she would bring Paul to meet them in the next few days. Paul was not what Kirstie's parents were hoping for. Their first impression was that he was scruffy, unkempt and had bad teeth. Kathy described him as a real jack-the-lad. He was unemployed and had already moved in with Kirstie, who was making a good living. But he quickly explained he would be able to secure a job because at the young age of 23 years he was trained as a professional chef, plumber, mechanic, gas-fitter, male stripper and a race car driver. Obviously, there were red flags at every turn. Dave and Kathy were concerned and begged Kirstie to slow things down. Could they push a wedding back, even just a few months, kirstie wanting the life of wife, and eventually mom brushed off her parents' concerns. She assured them Paul was the love of her life and they would be happy together. When discussing the wedding with Sonia and Hailey, they too voiced concerns. Nonetheless, the wedding was on track to happen. On February 16th, a pink limousine arranged by Dave arrived to take the pink princess and her family to her wedding. Surprising her family, the first few weeks of the marriage seemed to be peaceful and even happy. Now let's learn a little bit more about Paul Grabham. He had no friends. A later investigation into his life by a psychologist revealed he didn't do well in school, had a poor education and was always in trouble. That same forensic psychologist described him as egocentric, narcissistic, a liar and displayed general anti-social traits. A former neighbor labeled him as strange. She also detailed an encounter when he perceived she had done damage to his car. In retaliation, he blocked her pathway holding a bat. As she was driving, she turned around to drive away. He pursued her and attempted to run her off the road, causing her to crash into a brick wall. Paul was also working as an escort at the massage parlor, and that is where he and Kirstie actually became reacquainted in 2008. Kirstie thought Paul truly loved her and she was eager to start a life with a man who would never judge her previous profession. But that wasn't the case. He in fact used her history as an escort to exert power and control over her. He would force her to have sex with others. He even created websites to advertise her services to both men and women. Then he would use the experiences as more ammunition to verbally abuse her. He found a way to control her body and, as his wife, he now felt he owned her. The blissful newlywed life obviously didn't last. Kathy noticed after just a few weeks that Kirstie's demeanor was different. During their daily calls, paul could be heard in the background directing Kirstie's responses. Kathy also felt he may have been listening in on the conversations. A few months after the nuptials, kirstie's oldest sister, sonia, along with her husband John, had a christening for their daughters. Later that evening, kirstie and Paul returned to Sonia's home, clearly arguing. He called Kirstie a slag. Dave had to physically force Paul outside and lock him out of the house. As he began to pound and kick the door, kirstie went out to him. After this encounter, sonia informed Kathy of something Kirstie had previously disclosed to her. Paul and Kirstie were at a party together a few weeks earlier. He had taken her into a room, pushed her onto the bed and pinned her down by sitting on her. Then he strangled her. He squeezed his hands around her throat and wouldn't let go, fearful she was losing her life. Kirstie ended up wetting herself during the ordeal. Thankfully, someone came into the room and pulled him off. As I mentioned in the last episode, violence and aggression doesn't typically begin at this level. When considering they had just been married a few months when this happened, one can only assume Kirstie was suffering varying degrees of abuse from nearly the beginning. With this new information arming them, kirstie's mom, dad and sisters would plead with her to leave Paul, but Kirstie stood firm, stating she took her marriage vows seriously. The abuse continued and Kirstie continued to forgive. She wanted to help Paul change. Then Kirstie found out he had been having sex with a woman he met online. Then she found out he was on dogging sites. I didn't know what that was and in case you don't either, here it is. Dogging is where people meet up to have sex in public places while others watch. No, that Paul wasn't just browsing through the websites. He was actually meeting up to have sex. Finally, by December, kirstie decided she had had enough. She told her family she was planning on leaving Paul. The excitement they felt was soon smothered as Kirstie apparently changed her mind and decided to try again. A few more months went by. On March 22nd, kirstie visited Kathy for Mother's Day. To Kathy's surprise, kirstie appeared in jogging pants and a hooded sweatshirt. She had her hair pulled back and no makeup on. This was a look that was not normal for Kirstie. Her personality was also different, almost defeated. When Paul arrived to pick her up, kirstie hurried out to meet him. Kathy followed to give her daughter a hug and kiss. It would be the last time she saw her pink princess alive. Over the next week, mother and daughter continued their daily calls and text messages. She was staying with her friend because she again was intending to leave Paul. She made plans to go out with some friends on a Friday night in March. She asked Paul to bring her home so she could change there. He ended up going out with her that night as well. The two, reportedly, were drinking and using cocaine. Paul, in his intoxicated state, knocked over everyone's drinks at the club. He and Kirstie had a disagreement and she told him to go home. The downstairs neighbors saw Paul stumble out of his taxi into his flat, continuing to drink. He also phoned his dealer to get more cocaine. Meanwhile, kirsty stayed out, eventually ending up at a friend's house. She confided in that friend. She was leaving Paul but had to arrange for it to happen at just the right time. That night, wasn't it? And despite her friend's attempt to persuade her to stay, kirsty took a taxi home. The same neighbors who witnessed Paul return home heard Kirsty go up the stairs calling out to her cat. She texted her friend to let her know she arrived home safely and that Paul was passed out on the couch. Now the neighbors have become accustomed to hearing arguments from Paul and Kirsty's flat. Later they testified hearing arguing that night, followed by a high-pitched scream from Kirsty, then silence, then a dragging sound, then drawers being slammed, opened and closed. Two days later, on Monday, paul began to call people asking if they had heard from or seen Kirsty. Kathy told him to report her missing to the police. She placed a follow-up call letting them know the kind of person Paul was and her concerns. Paul denied having a disagreement with Kirsty that Friday night he mentioned noticing some of her belongings were missing Her hair straightener, but not her brush, some money, but not her debit card. Clothes she had ironed and folded at the end of the bed. None of this sounded right to her mom or sisters. Wednesday, kirsty's debit card was used by Paul. He withdrew money to have parties at the flat, buy drugs and alcohol and pay for prostitutes. On Thursday police arrested Paul with suspicion of murder. They had found out Kirsty had attempted to call 999 in the early hours of Saturday March 28, 2009, but the call was interrupted. On Monday, april 6, the detectives returned to the home of Kathy and Dave A body of a young woman had been discovered. The next day the family had the painful duty to identify the body. Kathy looked on at the beaten face. Her eyes were so swollen and bruised her eyelashes weren't visible. Her jaw was clearly broken. Scratches covered her face. Fingerprint bruises remained on her cheeks. Her nose was grazed and broken. Bits of blood remained crusted in her hair. Kathy didn't recognize her daughter, but Sonia and Dave confirmed it was indeed Kirsty. Paul's trial began on January 12, 2010. On February 4, 2010, after deliberating under 10 hours, the jury found Paul guilty of murdering his wife. The testimonies, interviews and evidence revealed the following scene and please listen with discretion, as this part is extremely graphic Paul ferociously beat Kirsty in the head with an object, possibly her hair straightener. He attacked her so brutally there was blood spatter found on the ceiling in the entryway, on the sofa under the sofa, on the TV, on the radiator in the bathroom, in Paul's necklace and on his cardigan. He strangled her. He initially tried to cut her in half to fit her into a small suitcase. He was not successful, but managed to shove her still warm body into the bag. He hauled her down the stairs and put her into the trunk of her own car. Then he drove and threw the suitcase and Kirsty along the side of the M4 in Wales, just a few miles from her mother's house. He returned home and attempted to clean the mess. A mop and bucket were found with Kirsty's DNA on it. He apparently threw out the rug and painted the ceiling. Hours later he was searching online for sex. Despite all the evidence and testimonies, paul maintained his innocence. He claimed everyone else was lying. He said he was asleep on the couch when someone came into the flat, murdered Christie and cleaned up. Thankfully, the jury knew who the real liar was. The judge sentenced Paul to life in prison, taking into consideration the recommended minimum of 15 years served, he added on another floor. Due to Paul's clear lack of remorse, christie kept a journal. She wrote how she wanted to get out of sex work. She wanted to start a family. She wondered how Paul could want another man to touch her. She was too afraid of him to leave. She feared what he would do to her. Every day he came home she wrote out the details she wanted for her own funeral. The 24-year-old wanted a pink coffin, to be dressed in pink, have pink flowers, for everyone else to wear pink and to have her wedding and engagement rings removed. This legitimate fear plays into why victims don't leave or can't leave the fact that there are so many more trapped in similar scenarios is why these stories need to be told. To end this heartbreaking episode, I'm going to read a poem found in Kirsty's journal titled my Mom. A mom is God's love in action. She looks with her heart and feels with her eyes. A mom is a bank where her children deposit all their worries and hurts. A mom is the cement that keeps her family together, and her love lasts a lifetime. Thank you for listening. Sources for this episode can be found in the show notes. Next week, I'm happy to bring you a conversation with Michelle Horton. She is the sister of Nicole Adumando, an author of Dear Sister, a Memoir of Secrets, survival and Unbreakable Bonds. If you want to re-familiarize yourself, I covered Nicole's story in episode 19. Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone. Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website 1and3podcastcom. That's the number 1, i-n the number 3, podcastcom. Follow 1and3 on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at 1and3podcast To help me out. Please remember to rate, review and subscribe. 1and3 is a.5 Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.