20-Domestic Violence SURVIVOR: Abigail Blake

Hi Warriors, welcome to 1-3,. I'm your host, ingrid. Last week, I shared a story of how a woman faced years in prison after defending herself against her abuser. This week, I have a different perspective. Abby's story is one in which her abuser was sentenced after permanently disabling her. But is his sentence fair? Here is the story of Abigail Blake. Abby grew up in a middle-class family in England. She attended boarding school At Nottingham University. She began to work a bit in the music industry by assisting promoters with their evening venues. After graduating, she was able to transition into becoming a booking agent for DJs. She had quite a successful career, stretching over from the United Kingdom to North America. At one point, abby became a single mom, choosing a responsible path. She changed careers. She became an operations manager at Manchester Airport. Abby had a prosperous career, a child whose father she had an amicable co-parenting schedule with, and a fulfilling social life with friends. The only thing one could consider missing in her life was a romantic partner. Abby met Sebastian in 2014. The two were introduced to each other by a mutual friend shortly after Valentine's Day. As described by Abby, sebastian was good-looking, charismatic, charming and debonair. He also shared the same interests as her in sports, art and music. Their first date was to an expensive restaurant at Sebastian's suggestion. When they sat down, he told Abby to order whatever she wanted off the menu. The waiter brought the bill at the end of the meal. Surprised and embarrassed, sebastian padded himself down as he apologized and admitted he must have forgotten his wallet. Abby jumped into action and paid for the meal. She brushed off his apologies as an honest mistake. He promised to pay her back Two weeks later. Still not receiving the payment, she told him not to worry about it. Two months later, while cooking him dinner at his apartment, in what Abby thought was the cutlery drawer, she found bills totaling hundreds of thousands of pounds. She brought this to Sebastian's attention when he returned home. He replied immediately, saying the two of them could help each other. Unsure of what he meant, abby confided in a friend who confidently told her to run for the hills. Instead of running for the hills, abby ran into the arms of Sebastian. The two exchanged nuptials just five months after dating. Sebastian sold his flat and moved into Abby's, still claiming to be paying off his debt. He never contributed to any of the bills. The happiest day of her life took a downward turn as Abby began the rest of her life with Sebastian. He started to tell her what to wear, how to do her makeup and how to style her hair. How she conducted herself, including how she spoke, was all scrutinized. Abby began to question her self-worth. Then she began to question her intelligence, as Sebastian would often tell her she was pretty stupid, despite her university level education. All of that escalated to physical abuse. Sebastian had persuaded Abby to go out with a girlfriend one night while he would watch her son. The women returned home to find Sebastian passed out on the couch with candles burning, in empty alcohol bottles everywhere. Abby's son was upstairs asleep. She found large amounts of cocaine on one side of the couch, large amounts of cocaine on one of her son's train toys. She naturally was pissed off and woke him up, asking what he was doing, where did he get everything and why was he doing that in her house? Because of her reaction, sebastian slapped her. Abby ran to her room and locked her door. The next morning, sebastian showered her with flowers and apologies. He blamed the alcohol, the cocaine, and promised it would never happen again. She believed him. The abuse began to happen often after that, which was initially followed by the same feigned remorse. Abby continued to believe him, longing for the happy days they once shared. She would look forward to the time Sebastian would be kind and charming again. Eventually she had enough. At that point she would attempt to get him out of her house. Instead of faking regret, sebastian turned to threatening to kill himself. Of course, that pulled on her sympathetic heartstrings. One of the times Abby asked him to leave, sebastian stepped outside and returned with a shovel. He threatened that if she forced him to leave, he would later be playing football with a boy's in a backyard over her dead buried body. He also threatened to anchor weights to her and put her in a pool. Abby would contact the police on occasion when she became extra fearful. The police would bring Sebastian in and after waiting hours for the police to return, abby would have talked herself out of pressing charges. As Abby questioned her reality, she turned to her support. Some friends believed her and were there for her. Too many, however, asked what did she do to get into that situation, asked why she wasn't doing anything to get out, or even suggested she liked the abuse. Others just disregarded Abby altogether. Eighteen months into the relationship, the couple had a son. Shortly after returning to work from maternity leave, abby called Sebastian to clarify child care plans and to check on Aaron's. He mentioned he was in a pub with a colleague. It was only 11 o'clock in the morning. Later that day Abby picked their son up from daycare and returned home from work. That evening she locked the door getting ready for bed. Sebastian returned home a bit after 10 pm. She let him in after he began kicking and banging on the door Rightfully so. Abby started questioning Sebastian about his whereabouts and what he had been doing. He continued to drink as he walked up the stairs into the bathroom where he then got sick. Abby started packing a bag telling him he would need to leave. The moment she turned her back to him, sebastian attacked. Abby suddenly realized she was on the floor as her face smashed to the ground, fracturing her cheekbone. Sebastian had punched her in the back of the neck, which she later learned fractured her cervical vertebrae. He then began to stomp on Abby all over her body, her hands, her arms, her legs. She then flipped over onto her back, using her eyes to plead with him to stop. She ended up with five broken ribs, one of which caused a pneumothorax. She also had bleeding on her spinal cord, in addition to the other injuries I just mentioned Gasping for air, abby watched as Sebastian gathered her cell phone and casually went to their bedroom to go to sleep. Abby realized she needed immediate help and was able to find the strength she needed to drag herself out to the street in front of her house. There she collected what voice she could to begin screaming for help. Thankfully she was heard. Passerby called paramedics as Sebastian stole one of Abby's cars and left. He was gone for six days as Abby recovered in the hospital. During that time frame, sebastian was able to sneak into her house and steal some of Abby's jewelry and their son's passport. Abby's injuries required her to be placed on a ventilator. She was sent into a four-hour surgery for spinal cord damage. The responders had brought Abby's one-year-old son with her in the ambulance and kept him with her until her mother arrived. Thankfully, her older son was at his dad's. Abby spent five days in the hospital. Sebastian turned himself in after his six-day spree. He was remanded, then released on bail. He had to wear an electronic tag while waiting 19 months until they finally went to trial. The criminal trial was initially scheduled for eight months, but he and his legal team continued to delay the trial for various reasons. This is a typical attempt to get charges dropped or to get witnesses to bow out. Sebastian attempted to have the no-contact order revoked and attempted to have contact with his son. The initial charges brought against Sebastian were grievous bodily harm with intent. He agreed to plead guilty to just grievous bodily harm if Abby took the deal With the two charges. He was looking at up to 20 years. Abby was encouraged and assured the plea deal was a good one. An additional four months passed before the sentence hearing. Abby was told in January 2019 that Sebastian would have two years in prison, and two years of prison and two years of wearing an electronic tag. In February of the same year, she was granted an indefinite restraining order. March, however, brought bad news. Abby was informed that there was a discrepancy in calculating Sebastian's sentence. They had not considered the time he served with an electronic tag. Because of the mistake, sebastian would be released in June or July. Just after serving six months. The day he was released, abby and her boys went into hiding at the recommendation of a domestic violent shelter. Sebastian wore an electronic tag for three months after his release and now is completely free. Meanwhile, abby still suffers chronic numbness in her fingertips. She has had to endure multiple surgeries as well as intense therapy. So now you've heard Abby's story. If you listened to Nikki's story last week, you would notice a tremendous difference in the sentencing. We do need to recognize these two cases took place in different countries and the judicial system differs. However, despite the variations, it is quite apparent that the domestic violence victims lost in both instances. I would love for someone to please explain how one woman, while defending her own life and possibly the lives of her children, could initially be sentenced to 19 years in prison yes, it was reduced to seven and a half years but that in comparison to a man who literally stomped on his wife, nearly killing her and leaving her disabled for life, is sentenced to three years and four months and is released after six months. Seriously, guys, if someone can enlighten me on this, send me an email. I will book you on the very next episode. Clearly, clearly, we need to do better. I do want to mention that, while researching this episode, I came upon an experiment that is or was happening in the United Kingdom. When a domestic violence call is received and answered by authorities, a domestic violence officer will be sent to sit and talk with a victim while the perpetrator is taken away. This contrasts with leaving the victim alone for hours while the abuser is questioned. Oftentimes it's during those hours alone that the victim reevaluates their circumstances and ultimately declines to press charges. I'm not sure how widespread this is, or even if it is still in practice at all anymore, but still, well done, that's one step. Now, what I'm going to leave you with this quote by Abby it doesn't start with a physical, it starts with a psychological. I didn't know this was abuse, not until I nearly died, and then I got the help that I so desperately needed. And so, on the psychological level, if they can get out, then get out. I'm speaking out to hopefully help or save one person and or their children. Sources for this episode can be found in the show notes. I will be back again next week with another story for you. Until then, stay strong and wherever you are in your journey, always remember you are not alone. Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website oneandthreepodcastcom. That's the number one. I am the number three podcastcom. Follow one and three on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at one and three podcast. To help me out, please remember to rate, review and subscribe. One and three is a.5 Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.