March 1, 2023
1-A Voice for the Voiceless: Shedding Light on the Hidden Crisis of Domestic Abuse
Domestic violence has shocking statistics that affects people from all walks of life, and it's time to shed light on this pervasive issue. Join me, Ingrid, as we unravel the complexities of domestic violence and explore the different types of abuse, terminology, and the long-lasting effects like depression, suicide, and economic costs. Together, we'll educate ourselves on how to better support those affected by it.
As a survivor of domestic violence myself, I know first-hand the pain and struggle that comes with it. Let's raise awareness, support one another, and continue the fight against domestic violence because every survivor's story matters.
1 in 3 is intended for mature audiences. Episodes contain explicit content and may be triggering to some.
If you are in the United States and need help right now, call the national domestic violence hotline at 800-799-7233 or text the word “start” to 88788.
Contact 1 in 3:
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- Check out the website https://www.1in3podcast.com/
Thank you for listening and please remember to rate, review & subscribe!
Cover art by Laura Swift Dahlke
Music by Tim Crowe
Chapters
00:00 - Understanding Domestic Violence Terminology
16:20 - From Victim to Survivor
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hey Warriors, welcome to 1-in-3.
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I'm your host, ingrid.
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Today I'm going to get into the specifics of what domestic violence is, what some of the terminology means and what you can expect to get out of this podcast.
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I'm going to start here because this is just the beginning.
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I'm not sure what brought you to this podcast.
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Maybe it's because you've been there, maybe you are there, or maybe you want to make sure you never fucking go there.
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You could be a friend, colleague, classmate or family member of someone who is there, or if someone who lost a fight.
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Maybe you're one of the heroes who has picked up a survivor, carried them or rehabilitated them.
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And, yes, you could be that random person who clicked on the cool cover art and fell into listening to this without realizing what it was.
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Regardless of what brought you here, i'm glad you came And I hope you stick around for a bit.
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Now that we've established why you may or may not have started listening to this podcast, let me tell you why I'm here.
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Yes, i am a domestic violence survivor, but my situation is a story for another time.
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As I confided in friends of what had happened to me, i learned that a lot of people I knew had similar stories, and the more I dug into this topic, the more I realized domestic violence happens way more often than any of us can imagine.
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It doesn't matter what your socioeconomic status is or your level of education or the amount of degrees you have.
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Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of race, age, whether you're male, female, non-binary or transgender, whether you're heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual or asexual.
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It doesn't matter what your physical stature is or your athletic capabilities.
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It can happen to anyone and it does World's fucking wide.
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Don't believe me?
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Well, let me fill you in on a few statistics.
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If you haven't heard the trailer to this podcast yet, i'll give you those numbers I mentioned in it now.
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According to the Centers for Disease Control, or the CDC, one in three American men experience physical or sexual violence or stalking by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
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The World Health Organization abbreviated who states one in three women worldwide experience physical or sexual violence by an intimate partner or sexual violence by a non-partner in their lifetime.
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I have to admit, when I did a generic Google search on domestic abuse and violence, almost every site is geared toward or only focuses on women and girls.
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This was puzzling because, like I just mentioned, domestic abuse happens to everyone, regardless of gender.
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One exception I found is the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, or the NCAA, dv, and this is based out of the United States.
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Here are those numbers Approximately 20 people each minute are physically abused by an intimate partner.
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That number averages to more than 10 million men and women.
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One in three women and one in four men have had some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, and for one in four women and one in seven men that violence has been considered severe.
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One in seven women and one in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.
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Only 34% of those hurt will actually seek medical care.
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One in seven women and one in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner.
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Intimate partner violence is 15% of all violent crime.
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One in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence annually.
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90% of them are eyewitnesses.
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A weapon is involved in 19% of domestic violence.
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When a gun is present, the risk of homicide increases by 500%.
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Let me say that one more time The risk of homicide increases by 500% in domestic violence situations when a gun is present.
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And listen homicides don't always involve just the partner and may include anyone who intervenes family, friends, neighbors or law enforcement.
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Most days, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines.
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The CDC gives additional statistics Two in five lesbian women, three in five bisexual women and one in three heterosexual women will experience rape, physical violence and or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
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One in four gay men, one in three bisexual men and three in ten heterosexual men will experience rape, physical violence and or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
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Domestic abuse and violence have long-lasting effects beyond bruises and broken bones.
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Information also taken from the NCA-DV reveals those who have fallen victim have a higher rate of depression and suicide.
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People lose their jobs.
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There can be sexually transmitted infections contracted, including HIV.
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There is a higher rate of alcohol and drug dependency in victims.
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Equal costs of intimate partner violence surpasses $8.3 billion per year.
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Remember, this is information for just the United States.
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Now, those are some pretty shitty statistics and I believe they're probably way worse.
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Regardless, those statistics can be meaningless or, at the very least, confusing if you don't understand what the terminology really means.
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I want to take a second here to emphasize that I am not a therapist, nor do I have any intensive education in terms of domestic violence or any of its subsets.
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That being said, here are some of the commonly used terms and their definitions as I understand them.
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Domestic violence This is not just physical assault, but also includes all means of abuse, for example, intimidation, isolation, sexual violence, psychological violence, financial abuse and emotional abuse.
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All of those tactics are used to establish and maintain power and control over another individual.
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The domestic part of the definition includes anyone who could be considered a spouse, sexual dating or intimate partner, family member, children or cohabitants.
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Domestic abuse This is quite similar to domestic violence and definition.
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In fact, it's often times used interchangeably.
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From what I could find, the importance and the difference in definition applies at the judicial levels of countries, states and even counties.
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For the sake of simplifying, i will default to using the term domestic violence unless there is a specific differentiation in individual stories.
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Intimate partner violence This is the same as domestic violence and domestic abuse.
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In defining terms of violence or abuse, the key difference is the abuser is either a current or former spouse or dating partner.
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Abuse This is the key difference between the two.
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The first is the use of something that is harmful or morally wrong.
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Two, to treat someone cruelly or violently.
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And three, to speak to someone rudely or cruelly.
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There are quite a few different forms of abuse, so I'm going to go through some of those now.
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Stalking Repeated behavior directed at one person which gives that individual legitimate cause to fear for their safety or the safety of others, or causes substantial emotional distress.
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The term repeated typically means two or more instances, but could vary in legality depending on local law.
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Gaslighting Tactics used by the abuser to ultimately make the victim question reality or even their sanity by twisting stories, forgetting stories or implying overreaction of the victim.
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Physical abuse This is when someone deliberately hurts one's body or uses non-consensual restraint.
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Restraint could be in the form of giving or withholding medications or substances in order to alter mental status versus physical restraint.
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Emotional abuse This is subtle to blatant behavior or words used to isolate, control, humiliate, coerce, harass, silence or frighten an individual.
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Psychological abuse This is the use of verbal and social tactics to manipulate or control an individual, to make them think they are crazy.
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It's often used interchangeably with emotional abuse.
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However, the difference is, while emotional affects how one feels, psychological affects how one thinks.
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Financial abuse controls the victim by isolating financially.
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This is accomplished by restricting access to household finances, limiting or sabotaging the victim's employment, ruining the victim's credit, often without the victim being aware of what's going on or coercing the victim into mutual debt.
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Reactive abuse Abuser uses All other forms of abuse, causing the victim to lash out vocally or even physically.
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Once this is accomplished, the actual abuser asserts the victim is being abusive.
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Mutual abuse This is a difficult one and, to be honest, i don't like this one at all.
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What I could gather is this is a domestic violence situation in which both partners are equally abusive.
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Although one could use psychological abuse and the other physical, the forms of abuse can fluctuate back and forth between the abusers as well.
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Acknowledging mutual abuse is a thing confuses or almost negates what reactive abuse is.
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I couldn't even find information on mutual abuse prior to the Johnny Depp and Amanda Herd case which leads me to believe it may have been created in response to it.
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And look, i'm not about to get into the details of that shit show.
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My personal thoughts are they're both assholes.
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Cases like that one actually makes it more difficult for a true victim or survivor of domestic violence to prove their case.
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To sum up, mutual abuse, meh Love-bombing.
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This is an important definition.
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When a healthy relationship begins, it's normal to be on your best behavior.
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There's a mutual desire to spend a lot of time together.
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Each of the individuals want to impress the other, but the key is each person stays true to who they are.
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Love-bombing is taking all of that to an extreme, and there are a few essential characteristics of love-bombing They want to know everything about you right away.
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They dump their personal details too quickly.
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They want constant validation.
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There are intense declarations of love early in the relationship, maybe even before there's an actual relationship.
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Pressure to make you commit.
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There's intense clinginess.
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They can be immensely jealous when you're with anyone else.
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Finally, there's a sudden coldness or withdrawal.
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This cycle can happen at any time or multiple times throughout the relationship.
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Now those are the different forms of abuse.
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Here are a few more terms that I want to go over Narcissist Okay, so I don't want to get into all the possible personality disorders that can be associated with domestic violence.
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The reason is, i don't want to imply that because someone carries a mental health diagnosis, they are automatically precluded to domestic violence.
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That being said, i do want to talk about narcissists quick.
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This is a term that I personally feel is too loosely thrown around at any individual who disagrees with another, or perhaps it is given to someone who is appropriately prioritizing themselves.
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In reality, narcissistic personality disorder requires a diagnosis by a licensed practitioner.
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That being said, here are a few behavior traits Having an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and requiring constant aberrations, special treatment and privileges.
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They are arrogant, however envy others, they take advantage of others and look down on those they feel are beneath them.
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And that's all I'm going to say about it, because, again, it requires an actual diagnosis.
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Trauma Bonding This is a resultant emotional bond the victim has with the abuser.
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The abuser cycles through abusive and honeymoon or apologetic behavior.
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The cycles may not be overtly apparent at first, which is why it's easy to fall into the pattern.
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The result is a clear power imbalance in the relationship with continuing cyclic behavior.
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The victim may stay for a variety of reasons.
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However, there is typically an emotional dependency component.
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Warrior Collins' dictionary defines it as a person engaged or experienced in warfare or a person who shows or has shown great vigor or courage.
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My personal definition of a warrior is a person who is in or who has escaped a domestic violence situation.
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It applies to those who did not survive domestic violence as well.
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A warrior can also be an advocate for domestic violence, whether designated officially or as an individual who just wants to help a friend, family member, acquaintance or stranger, in other words you, please note, these terms need to be used factually.
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I do not condone or recommend anyone flippantly using the above terms in order to gain an upper hand in divorce or child custody hearings.
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Honestly, those individuals who do so are disgusting and abusive in their own way.
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So now that you have some of the basic horrific facts of domestic violence, you may be wondering what I plan on doing with this podcast from here on out.
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We are going to hear firsthand accounts of those who have been in domestic violence and abuse situations.
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Their stories will either be told by the individuals themselves or as a written account for being to read.
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We will also hear from friends or family members of those who did not survive.
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These brave individuals are volunteering to share their stories, not as revenge but to help others.
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It's important to acknowledge that part of healing is knowing you're not alone.
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I mentioned I'm not a therapist or other professional trained in domestic violence.
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However, i will occasionally be bringing those individuals on as guests to answer questions and clarify any misgivings.
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If you want more information or to register as a guest, check out the website at oneandthreepodcastcom.
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Also listed on that website is a public Spotify playlist.
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Because, well, i love music.
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Send me a message if you want to add a song to that list.
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So far, i would like to thank Linda for sharing Sound of Surviving by Nicole Nordman and Holy Water by We, the Kingdom.
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Thank you to Jessica for sharing Know Who You Are from the Moana soundtrack, and Ryan shared Fight Song by Rachel Platton.
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So that's the plan.
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In the intro I mentioned, this is the beginning, yes, of this podcast, but this is also the beginning of letting the voices be heard of those who were kept silent for way too long.
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This is the beginning of shifting the power.
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I'm in no way doing this alone.
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I know that And you know that too, because all of this, all of the hope, the unity, the strength that is to come, is because we are doing this together.
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I want to close with this quote titled SurvivorsOM, from an Unknown Author I've been victimized.
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I was in a fight that was not a fair fight.
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I did not ask for the fight I lost.
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There is no shame in losing such fights.
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I've reached the stage of survivor and am no longer a slave of victim status.
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I look back with sadness rather than hate.
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I look forward with hope rather than despair.
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I may never forget, but I need not constantly remember.
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I was a victim, i am a survivor.
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Okay, warriors, that's it for today.
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I'll be back next week with our first in-person story.
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In the meantime, have each other's back and stay strong.
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No one is alone in this fight.
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Find more information, register as a guest or leave a review by going to the website oneandthreepodcastcom.
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That's the number one, i-n the number three podcastcom.
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Follow one and three on Instagram, facebook and Twitter at oneandthreepodcast To help me out.
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Please remember to rate, review and subscribe.
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One and three is a.5.
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Pinoy production music written and performed by Tim Crow.
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